Cooking for your girl is always a way to spark some romance, and with Christmas coming quick, here is a sure way to get her feeling the holiday sprit!  I went ahead and put together a video on this one, because sometimes it takes seeing something being made to be able to replicate it!  This recipe goes by lots of different names, cinnamon toasted pecans, cinnamon roasted nuts, cinnamon almonds recipe, cinnamon almonds, cinnamon sugar almonds, cinnamon almond, cinnamon nuts – and you’ve probably seen them in the mall or other shopping centers – it’s the cinnamon smell that just permeates through the entire place heck. The good part is in just 15 minutes, and a few ingredients – much of what you probably already have in the kitchen, you can make this treat at home and surprise the heck out of your girl.  So, take a look at the video, get the ingredients, head into to the kitchen and make your girl happy.

Cinnamon Roasted Nuts:

1/4 Cup Evaporated Milk
 1 Cup Sugar
 1/4 Tsp. Cinnamon
 2 Tlbs. Water
 1/4 Tsp. Vanilla
 3 cups Nuts (Almonds, Pecans, etc.)
-------------------------------------
Combine Milk, Sugar, Cinnamon, Water, vanilla in pan,
dissolve ingredients into a smooth mixture.
Bring ingredients to a boil then turn heat down and add nuts.
Cook until the nuts are completely sugared with no syrup left in the pan
Shake out nuts and spread evenly on wax paper to cool.

With Christmas right around the corner, many people already have their shopping done – what about you? If you’re like most Romance Rookies, Christmas means a last minute dash, the week (or day) before, to pick up gifts for your spouse. This type of activity just screams “I don’t care about you!” This year, start now and plan a day to get out and do some shopping for the one you love. The beauty of planning ahead means that you get to take time, do it right, find the right gift and – as the title says – teach a bit of responsibility as well. Responsibility you ask? Keep reading!  

Kids are selfish. People are selfish. It’s in Human nature to be selfish. We all want the maximum value for the least amount of effort.

It’s hard to hear it – and even harder to accept that this speaks to each and every one of us. Many of you reading this will disagree with those statements – but frankly it is true. The difference is what each person learned when they were kids. Some parents taught their kids the power of proper gifting – and the reason for the gift. A gift is not a worthless spend of money, giving something of little value so they can tear off the wrapping. The real treasure of the gift is the thoughtfulness of thinking about the one item that someone will appreciate, use or not have bought themselves. This is where romance and responsibility weave their way into the story.

If you’re a parent, you know that life is one long string of teaching moments. Moments where you get to educate your children about the moral, ethical and compassionate way they should live their life when you aren’t around. Gifting is one of those moments, and is one of the best lessons that can be taught through demonstration.By taking your kids with you, involving them in the process and having them walk through the logic of choosing a gift carefully, you are helping them do the same later in life – perhaps for their spouse and your grandkids. Talk about a gift, laying the groundwork for your kids to be successful is one of the best gifts you can give! But how does this all relate to Romance, Russ? This is two fold.

1) Plan an outing where you take the kids, sans mom, out for the afternoon. Eat lunch at home, then embark on your trek to shop for Mom. Have each of the kids write down (in advance) where they want to go, and what they will be looking for. Help the kids think through the path and get guidance from mom on what she wants. Focus on daily use items for the little ones so they can see mom in action with their gift. Ideas can be:

• Perfume
• Bath salts
• Bath gel
• Special lotions
• Does she have a hobby? look for tools or supplies
• Personal Care items such as brush, comb, emery board
• Feeling adventurous, Pick up supplies to make homemade bath salts with the kids.

This afternoon trip gives mom a well deserved afternoon off, which she will definitely appreciate. I can tell you know that if you have kids, and your wife does most of the care giving, there is a reason she is always has a headache! With little hands touching you all day, it’s tough to “turn it off” and by evening, she just wants to be left alone – am I right? A bit of time away from the kids re-energizes her and helps her want to be “Touched” again!

2) By taking the kids on a shopping trip for her, she knows you’re thingking about her and taking the time to plan ahead. Honestly, you could come back with a rubber chicken and she would be thrilled (ok, probably not a rubber chicken, but you get the point). Remember what I’ve said throughout this series, it’s not just the gift – it’s the thought you put in and the delivery that makes the difference.

With this advice, book your trip now and then figure out how to tell her that you are still the same man she married – just a bit better!

[Image via CharlieBrewer]

Messages for the card: 

Delivery methods:

To many, Christmas is the perfect time of year.  The snow, the candy canes and the magic that is the holiday season make this such a great time.  Unfortunately, the same things that make it great, also make it a seriously hectic time of year.  Everyone seems to be out shopping – all wanting that last gift, taking things out of each others carts, just being grinches to each other.  Why would this not then, be the perfect time to bring out your inner romantic?  But how do you add a spark of romance in such a crazy and chaotic season? I thought that throughout December, I would write a blog series on how to add that bit of spark on how to be romantic over the holiday season!  I’d like this to be interactive, so as you have questions, comments or ideas – please let me know in the comments below.  Romance Rookie is here for you, and I want to make sure you get what you need to build a better relationship with your spouse or girlfriend during this magical time of the year

To kick it off, let’s start with appreciation.  Most of the time folks, let’s be honest, there are lots of thankless things that go unnoticed in our relationships.  My wife works in the home, and does all the laundry, cleaning, child rearing – you name it – and the best part is most of the time it’s done when I get home.  Now, I will say that we are a rarity in this world, and appreciate that many relationships are not this way.  I have a fantastic wife, and I am very appreciative of the work that she does.  The key here is that I make sure to tell her HOW appreciative, through both what I say, and what I do. A simple thank you is nice, but be specific with your comments:

•  Honey, thank you so much for getting all the laundry done today. When it’s all done and and put away by the time I get home, it really gives me more time with the kids – and I really appreciate you helping me have a better relationship with them.
• Thank you for having dinner ready when I get home.  Not needing to worry about cooking anything helps me focus when I’m at work and makes a world of difference in my productivity and I appreciate it.
• Honey, the house looks fantastic, i can really tell you spent all day on this and it shows – thank you!

A well crafted (and heartfelt) thank you does wonders to start a good solid emotional bond between two people (remember this in your professional life too – it’s called positive feedback and is exceptional in changing behavior!). In addition, you will see that as you appreciate each other more, you get closer and are more willing to do things for each other.  Now, you may read the statements above and draw a blank on what to say, and that’s the point.  You’re in a situation where you have not been thinking about it so it’s difficult to verbalize.  You have to think deep about what she does for you:

•  Why do you appreciate her and the things she does?
• How does her action affect your life – and vice versa?
• What are you able to do, because of what she does?
• How much time does she invest that is transparent to you?
• What would happen if she wasn’t there?

A long time ago I read an interesting statement: You should meditate each week for 20 minutes – and just imagine if everyone in your life were dead.  The reason?  Because it helps provide some context around appreciation.  It helps you visualize life without… well… everything.  It lets you really put into perspective the things you have and perhaps take for granted.  So you ask: “Wow, that’s morbid, how does this help me with romance, Russ?” and the answer is, it helps you appreciate what your wife does for you and how irreplaceable she is in your life.  With that perspective, and a new found appreciation, it will lay the groundwork for the month.  For now – take a moment and tell her how much you appreciate her.  Tell her how much what she does makes your life easier and remember, this is a great start, but don’t over do it. Just like candy, it’s good sometimes but you don’t want to eat it all the time or it will cause problems.

Don’t “Thank” so much that it becomes normal – these moments are special, they should be savored and enjoyed.  Pause, take a deep breath – and remember, it’s not the words, it’s the thoughts, the heart, the feeling, the emotion and the connection that you share.  Like a great steak – it’s not the slab of meat that makes it special- it’s the moment, the taste, the smell, the warmth and the company you carry.

[Image via Nightrose]

So we all know that dating a co-worker isn’t the best idea. The problems you have to deal with in situations like this are something none of us particularly want to engage in. But if you take this advice it doesn’t mean that romance is completely removed from your professional work environment.

We spend a lot of time with our employers, many of us spend more time with co-workers than we do with our sweethearts. Which means that to have a successful romantic relationship we’ve got to keep that relationship front of mind, even while we’re at work. This can be difficult, especially in a high-stress position… But if you can implement the following tips you’ll be well on your way to satisfying your sweetheart’s romantic needs.

1. Integrate the romance tips on this website into your task management system
If your using a task management system, or some form of to do list, then you likely add all of the tasks you need to get done to that system; emails to send, projects to get done, calls to make, errands to run, reports to complete, etc. So why aren’t you incorporating your “romantic strategy” into your to do list also? On Tuesday add “pickup flowers on the way home” to your list. On Friday add “invite sweetheart to dinner tonight” to your list. On Saturday add “write romantic sticky notes for the week” to your list. See… Simple… And if you want to make it really easy, just add several romance tasks at the beginning of each month and schedule them out for different weeks.

2. Text or email… Everyday
This one is so simple it’s sickening that we’re not already doing it. Send your special someone a simple text or email everyday. It can be as simple as “I Love You” or more in depth to explain what a great weekend you had with that person. It’ll take you 5 minutes, and it shows your loved one that your thinking about him/her even when your dealing with the stress of your job.

3. Make time available
Invite that special someone to meet you for lunch, or offer to meet them at their place of employment for a quick bite. It shows that your thinking about them, you want to see them during the day, and that your days are better when that happens. It’s definitely going to score you some points, especially if you do this in conjunction with the prior two items.

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Zack Pike (guest author) is a Corporate Radical who writes and speaks about unconventional solutions to tough professional situations. Zack also teaches other radicals how to get a promotion by showing them how to take control of their professional career.

[image: moriza via Flickr]

Have you ever sat down with your lady and attempted to put a puzzle together? If not, you should try it… But instead of doing one of the generic cute kitty puzzles, why not piece together a puzzle that is unique to the two of you with a personalized photo puzzle?

It’s much easier and less expensive than you might think.

1)  Find a good quality, high resolution digital photo, something romantic & memorable.

2)  Find a website with a personalized puzzle that you like.  [see suggestions below]

3)  Most websites make it easy as 1-2-3… upload photo, choose puzzle style, submit order.

There are quite a few choices out there, not just of companies that produce them, but also of piece count, number of photos, and puzzle size & shape. Here are some links to help you get started: Venus Puzzle; Bella Puzzles (unique wooden puzzles); and Printers Studios.

If you want to make this a single sitting activity I would suggest sticking with a 100 piece puzzle (plus it’s cheaper). If you want a couple of hours try the 250+ piece puzzles. But if the two of you are pros, challenge yourselves with a 500 or 1000 piece dynamo!

Add a little extra surprise; bring the puzzle out in a zip-lock bag and tell your date that you lost the box. Say it’s a city-scape or something… and then as you piece it all together you’ll get the look of surprise as she realizes what exactly it is that she is putting together.

So get out there and get this ordered… kill 2 birds with 1 stone and make it a Christmas gift!

Date night usually consists of dinner along with an activity: for example; dinner & a movie, dinner & drinks, or dinner & a live show. Why not make dinner THE DATE, and take a cooking class together?

You can Google “Cooking Classes” in your area to find a listing of when, where, and menu selections. Most of the classes I researched give you a knowledgeable lesson on how to cook and prepare a particular dish. What could be more fun than spending some time with your lady and getting to eat? The answer, as far as I’m concerned, is nothing!

If you live in or around Topeka, Chef Alli’s Hy-Vee Club Room Culinary Classes offer such a service. Class fees are $20 each (or $30 for two), each class lasting a couple of hours.

If you think about it you usually spend at least $30 at a restaurant, plus tip! Add a movie or show, and all your bread is spent! Kill two birds with one stone & Cook-up Some Romance!

Here is an easy and inexpensive date idea that doubles as a very romantic gift idea. Take pictures of the two of you kissing at different locations. This will be fun, exciting, and most importantly memorable!

You will need to do a little planning ahead of time:

1.) Drive around the town or country and choose a half dozen or more places you would like to use for backdrops.

2.) Locate your (or buy a new) tri-pod.

3.) Make sure your camera is fully charged.

4.) You may want to shop around first to find a nice collage photo frame so you know how many different poses to get and what direction the pictures need to be in (portrait or landscape) for each individual frame. Here are some examples in no particular order; #1, #2, & #3.

5.) Check your local weather so you aren’t battling high winds or rain.

People pay a lot of money to have pictures taken. Go out and search for professional photographer websites. Try to imitate some of their poses & camera angles and maybe even use some of their locations. Here are a few pros you can take a look at; Luster Studios, Linnea Lenkus Fine Portrait Studios, New Image Studio, and a kissing couple picture search using FotoSearch.com)

Get creative with this… don’t just take pictures of the two of you kissing on the lips! Get some of you kissing her on her neck, cheek, forehead, or hand! Take some pictures laying down, sitting side-by-side, or even upside down (Spiderman-style)! This should be fun for both of you!

The day of the shoot, pack a picnic lunch so you have something to eat when you are done. You can toggle through all the pictures while you munch.

Do these add-ons to increase the fun:

1). Bring a bottle of wine and some cheese & crackers to eat at one of your locations.

2.) Make it a double date and take turns taking pictures for each other.

3.) Make a romantic tradition out of it and do this every time you travel!

No matter what you do, where you go, or what poses you take… have fun and enjoy your moments of romance forever frozen in time!

My wife and I have built a great understanding between the two of us, to the point that we know when each is on edge and how to defuse the situation.  Joe had some great words of wisdom about using the acronym WIBS – to share how you feel with your significant other, but what if you’re sitting in the situation and your spouse is about to come unhinged?  If you’re anything like me, I would usually say – in my most understanding way -So what’s wrong with you?

Fluid – no
Inspiring – no
Did it start a fight – Oh Ya…

So after some time of marriage, I learned that there are much better ways to manage the situation.  Now that I’m older and wiser, my wife and I both use keywords to let the other know something is not well.  If my wife comes in, and I can tell something is wrong – I ask her politely – are you hungry? Can I get you something to eat?  Simple and effective, because it tells her that perhaps her blood sugar is low and she’s being a bit short with her comments.  To her, she can acknowledge the situation and take steps to change, like eat something or we can discuss if something is on her mind we need to have closure on.  The best part, this goes both ways.  I’ve been known, like everyone, to lose my temper every now and then.  But by using keywords the situation can be easily diffused with a simple “are you hungry” that tells me things need to change.

Come up with your own keywords, and share them with us here or in the forums, we would love to hear your feedback!

I don’t know about you, but I have a real hard time expressing to my wife how I feel when it comes to something that upsets me. I typically (and inadvertently) start an argument trying to express my thoughts. I can never actually say what I am thinking without sounding like a jerk!

I would like you to learn from my mistakes! Here is a particularly effective way to express how you feel without placing blame, pointing fingers and, hopefully, without sounding like a nitwit.

Use this acronym: WIBS!

When

I feel

Because

So

For example:

Let’s say you work nights at the local factory. You come home around 7am and go to bed for the “night.” Your wife gets a call from her parents asking her to go to lunch with them. You wake up a few hours later and notice a note on the fridge from you wife saying, “Went to lunch with parents, be back soon.” You feel left out (and hungry).

Here is a way to express your feelings to her when she returns.

*Note: Make sure you are NOT stewing in anger so you can say this without a ‘tone’ or negative emotions.

When you go to lunch with your family without me

I feel sad

Because I would like to be included.

So can we talk about ways that I can be included in those outings?

Even though this example only has two sentences in it, it is making 4 statements:

1)     You are letting your lady know what particular situation you are referring to with the “When” statement (going to see her family).

2)     You are letting her know how you feel with the “I feel” statement.

3)     You are stating why you feel that way with the “Because” statement.

4)     And lastly, you are asking her to help come up with a solution. You want to do it together with the “So” statement.

Notice the use of the word ‘we’ in the So-statement… this excludes criticism and it includes both of you in the resolution. Besides, with WIBS, you are trying to keep it all about yourself not her… so go with what you know; use ‘I’ & ‘we’, talk about your personal feelings, and make no assumptions or generalizations.

You might find out that, in the example above, she just didn’t want to wake you up. She wasn’t doing it to exclude you or upset you, rather she was respecting your work hours and sleep needs. Wouldn’t you be glad that you didn’t just accuse her of doing it on purpose!

I recently took my wife out for a movie. While we were waiting for the feature to start, the “commercials” were playing and one actually caught my interest. It’s called Movie Night Out. Here is the Apple Store description of the app:

Movie Night Out is an app that’s all about helping you plan your night out.  Need a place to eat before the movie or somewhere to grab dessert after?  Movie Night Out has you covered.  Is pre-movie shopping more your style?  Drinks?  Movie Night Out helps you with it all. Featuring Citysearch local information, Movie Night Out can give you multiple ideas for your night out, no matter where you are. 

Movie Night Out features:
-  A unique night planner that lets you slide and drag categories to customize your night out to suit the right occasion
- Citysearch local search data provides multiple accurate results to customize and plan your night out


- Share your plan with your friends and invite them
- Movies Now feature which lets you find the movie showing nearest to you closest to the current time
- Find the movies you want to see easily by easy search, closest theater, top box office, and most recent release 


- Also see all the latest trailers, movie details, photos and reviews

Sure it’s simple and plans run of the mill dinner & a movie date nights… but those are fun too!

This app is not only availible for iPod/iPad but is also availible as an Android app too! Best of all… IT’S FREE!!! So check it out.

With the fall season finally upon us, the number of evenings with non-freezing temperatures are quickly dwindling. So now is the time to take advantage of the last few nights that we can enjoy outdoors.
A great way to spend time with your loved one is to bask in the light of love… The fire light that is.

First off get yourself a cord (bundle) of logs from your local grocery store (Dillon’s always has some in front). Get a lighter, some starter sticks, and some newspaper. If you don’t know how to build a fire you can also buy Pine Mountain Logs in the same isle as the charcoal… OR you can go here to learn how from the folks at Survival Topics!

Go out and buy a bottle of wine (don’t be afraid to ask someone for help on selecting a tasty one) or some sodas. You’ll need to have something to munch on and cheese & crackers go really well with wine…
Drive your lover out to your local lake. Find yourselves a quiet spot either on the beach or in one of the camping spots. Break out the blankets. Get a fire started! Cuddle up to each and watch the sun set or just stare at the flames and embers.

And don’t forget the conversation… Talk to each other about what’s been happening in your lives lately. Talk about old times or expectations & plans for your future. Most importantly, focus on your wife. Don’t hog the talk time. The purpose of this is ROMANCING YOUR LADY!!!

When you come home from work, does your wife ask you how your day was? If it is late in the evening, does your girlfriend like to snuggle with you? Does your fiancé like you to hold her hand in public? Does your significant other ever smile at you for no reason what so ever?

Each of the questions above is a Bid for Connection from your woman. What is a Bid for Connection, you ask? Well my good friend, a Bid for Connection “is an attempt to create connection between two people.  Its function is to keep the relationship going forward and in a positive direction.” Dr John Gottman developed this principal in his “Love Lab” at the University Of Washington Department Of Psychology.

Bids can be questions, touches, gestures, or facial expressions. Pay attention to how your lady bids… how you respond can have a huge impact on your relationship. Here are some examples with some possible responses, both negative (1) and positive (2):

1)  If your wife asks how your fishing trip was…

1. Negative Response – “It was OK”
2. Positive Response – you will actually tell her how trip was, what you thought of or talked about while driving, what you saw at the gas station, etc.

2)  It’s late in the evening and your girlfriend sits real close and puts her head on your shoulder…

1. Negative Response – You scoot over a little bit.
2. Positive Response – You put your arm around her and give her a little hug

3)  Your fiancé puts her hand in yours while you are walking around the mall…

1. Negative Response – You pull away
2. Positive Response – You squeeze her hand a little (my wife & I squeeze each others hand three times as if to say “ I Love You”)

4)  Your significant other smiles at you from across a crowded room…

1. Negative Response – You look away or act as if you didn’t notice
2. Positive Response – You return the favor of the smile and mouth the words “I miss you”

When you respond positively to the bids, you are acknowledging her or “Turning Toward” her. Each time you turn toward her you are adding to what Dr Gottman calls her “emotional bank account”. As her “emotional savings” account gets larger, the more likely she will be able to handle conflict and crisis in your relationship.

For example, while backing out of the garage your wife runs over a broom that you left out after sweeping the drive-way. If her emotional bank account has a good balance in it, this may not be a big deal; after all it’s just a broom… But on the other hand if the account is empty or (God forbid) in the negative; she might whack you on the head with the broken broom handle!

Is this a woman only thing… absolutely not! We men also send out bids of our own. Do you ever ask your wife what she would like to do tonight? Do you like you try to kiss your girlfriend when you see her? Do you open doors for your fiancé? These are some of our Bids for Connection. As your lady turns towards you, your emotional savings account increases and you, too, will handle criticism or conflict better.

But as the eloquent philosopher, LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow, always says, “You don’t have to take my word for it.” For the next week, pay attention to your lady’s bidding (don’t let her in on what you are doing). Also, make note of how you bid. As you start to recognize the bids you will be better able to turn toward her. And in turn she will turn towards you!

I don’t know about you but I am beginning that think that Hallmark makes up holidays just so they can sell cards. Even if that is the case for some… it isn’t with Sweetest Day which falls on the 3rd Saturday of October.

According to the Wikipedia entry on Sweetest Day; it has its origins way back to the good ol’ days of October 1921 when a committe of 12 confectioners came together as a philanthropic effort to “spread love and cheer to the unfortunate.”

“Sweetest Day now largely involves giving small presents such as greeting cards, candy, and flowers to loved ones. Making breakfast for loved ones is an accepted way to start the day in the south, especially in Texas. While it is not as large or widely observed as Valentine’s Day, it is still celebrated in parts of the United States, despite persistent allegations of being a “Hallmark Holiday“”

But who cares about the origins or legitimacy of the holiday! You can use it as another reason to show your woman that you love her! So mark it down on your calendar every year (3rd Saturday in October).

So go out, buy a card and some flowers & candy! Look her in her eyes and tell her how you feel about her.

Doing something special for your spouse doesn’t always have to be a grand event.  Many times, the small things you do every day make just as big an impact as the one time big events that take so much planning.  One thing I’ve tried, is on Saturday mornings, wake up a bit early and make your spouse breakfast.  Again, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy, Cinnamon rolls from a can or a full country breakfast – it’s your choice, but what you’re really telling her is – Honey, you mean the world to me and I want to show it!  At our house, Pillsbury cinnamon rolls are always a hit, and they have tons or recipes you can use to modify things to keep it fresh!  At first she’ll probably be shocked – possibly even ask what you did or why you’re doing this if it’s out of character for you.  Simply let her know how much you care, and that this was a little thing you can do to show it, she’ll appreciate the effort!

Do you remember how much fun the Friday night football game in high school used to be? Or college football on Saturday night? Remember waiting to meet up with your buddies before the football game? Or the anticipation of meeting up with your high school sweetheart? The increased heart rate as you looked across the field at your rival’s fan section… The excitement of your team scoring a touchdown… The satisfaction of knowing that your school was victorious…

Some of you might have a harder time than others remembering that. It may have been 40 years ago or just last year… Regardless of how many years ago it was, why not recreate that feeling with your current sweetheart?

Even if it has been a while since you were in high school/college, break out the letter jacket or school sweater (if you can still fit into it). Or update your wardrobe by heading out and getting some new Spirit Gear for you AND your lady! Head on out to the football field to tailgate & grill with her (if that sort of thing is allowed on school grounds, check first).

If the weather dictates it, bring a blanket and snuggle during the game to keep your honey warm!

Get popcorn, a soda to share, or hot chocolate during halftime!

BUT MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL… tell her that you are VERY HAPPY to be reliving old memories by making new memories with HER in them!